Driving Mr. Jacobs/Transcript
The following is a transcript for the episode "Driving Mr. Jacobs." =Transcript= SCENE 1 INT. WHS MATH CLASSROOM - DAY (Lexi, Nia, Mr. Jacobs, Lizzie, Other Students) JANUARY 15, 2027. NIA AND LIZZIE ARE SITTING IN THE FRONT ROW OF SEATS, WHILE LEXI SITS IN THE ROW BEHIND THEM. THEIR GEOMETRY TEACHER, MR. JACOBS APPROACHES THE FRONT OF THE ROOM. HE IS A DEPRESSED MAN WHO IS IN HIS MID 30s. MR. JACOBS: Okay, you worthless disappointments. Today is Friday, so you will have your test on the Pythagorean Theorem today. I made it extra hard because life is hard. And just life itself, nobody warns you how hard it will be. LIZZIE: (TO NIA) Did you study for the test at all? NIA: I tried, but Mr. Jacobs’s study guide he made us made no sense. The first page was a couple of problems, then the next few pages he accidentally printed from his online anxiety journal. I now know way too much about his fear of penguins. LIZZIE: Wait, that was an accident? I thought his fear of penguins was going to be on the test. LEXI: Well, luckily for me, I'm going to ace the test! NIA: We get it Lexi, you're the math genius, and you're also Mr. Jacobs’s favorite student because of it. LEXI: I know. It's weird, huh? You're normally the teacher’s pet. MR. JACOBS: Alright class. You can begin now. I’ll be writing in my anxiety journal now. Not that it matters. Not that any of this matters. (SITS AT HIS DESK) NIA: (WHISPERS TO LIZZIE) I can't figure this out. Do you get it? LIZZIE: I know I've never been the best at math, but this might as well be Japanese, because it's all foreign to me. LEXI: Done! (WALKS OVER AND GIVES TEST TO MR. JACOBS) MR. JACOBS: Oh, Lexi. Your test is the only one I’m looking forward to grading. Keep on being your brilliant self! LEXI: Thanks Mr. Jacobs! (RETURNS TO SEAT) NIA: Lexi, how did you finish so quickly? This test is more confusing than my mom’s tax forms. LEXI: No talking during a test, Nia. Wow, in this class, I'm the one who reminds you to stop talking. MR. JACOBS: Alright, times up. The rest of you don't even need to bother turning your tests in because I don't even feel like grading them because I know everyone else is getting an F. (SIGHS) Failing my students is the only thing that brings me joy. NIA: What? He can't do that! I have a perfect 4.0 GPA and he's going to ruin my chances at becoming Valedictorian! LIZZIE: To make you feel better, I just wrote angry faces all over mine. (SHOWS HER PAPER) SCENE 2 INT. WHS CAFETERIA - DAY (Gregory, Mason, Makayla) GREGORY AND MASON ARE SITTING IN THE CAFETERIA BY THEMSELVES WITH THEIR LUNCHES. THEY SIT CLOSE. A GIRL NAMED MAKAYLA, AN AIRHEADED POPULAR GIRL, IS SITTING AT A DIFFERENT TABLE. GREGORY: Where are Nia, Lexi, and Lizzie? MASON: They're doing extra studying for Geometry because their teacher Mr. Jacobs is impossible. I'm so glad you and I got Mrs. Burgundy and not him. I hear he sleeps with a plant and pretends it's his ex-girlfriend. GREGORY: Yeah, that's really weird. MAKAYLA:(APPROACHES THEM WITH A PHONE) OMG! You two make the cutest couple! MASON:(SURPRISED) Um, hi Makayla. Actually we’re not- MAKAYLA: Can I get a selfie with you two? (TAKES A SELFIE WITH THEM) ‘It’s so brave and inspiring to see two dudes in love in a cruel world that wants to separate and persecute them! Hashtag Grason!’ That's the perfect caption! You're welcome! (LEVES) GREGORY: Isn’t that Jill’s best friend? MASON: Yeah, it's Makayla Burgundy. She’s Mrs. Burgundy’s daughter. And I can almost tell this a weird trap or prank if she is involved with Jill. GREGORY: Yeah, why would she think we were dating? (LOOKS AROUND) You don't think we act like a couple together, do you? (TAKES A BITE OF HAMBURGER, LEAVING KETCHUP ON HIS FACE) MASON: Well, you do sit close to me during lunch. And we do hang out together a lot. But most guys friends do that. Oh, hey, you have some ketchup on your face. GREGORY: Crap, I don't any napkins! MASON: Don't worry, I got one. (TAKES A NAPKIN AND WIPES HIS FACE) MAKAYLA: (WALKING BY) Aw, that's so cute! (POINTS PHONE CAMERA AT THEM) Look, everyone! Grason is official! GREGORY: (TO MASON, PANICKED) Mase, we do act like a couple! And now Makayla’s telling everyone! We can't let Nia find out about this! I won't have a chance with her if she thinks we’re dating. MASON: Don't worry, I got this. (STANDS UP, WALKS TO MAKAYLA) Makayla, um, the truth is, Gregory and I are not boyfriends. MAKAYLA: Oh, I see. You're afraid of rushing things and you don't want to label your relationship anything yet. That's even cuter! I'm definitely adding that to my caption! MASON: No, Makayla, we’re not dating! We're just friends and Gregory’s into Ni… Someone else. MAKAYLA: Wait, he likes Nia? MASON: No no no! I said Ni-Someone Else. That's probably some foreign exchange student’s name, right? MAKAYLA: Nice try. Ni-Someone Else left last summer. This could be super juicy information for me to tell Jill. I can finally be promoted from close friends, to best friends forever! MASON: No! Please don't! This is Gregory’s crush. He decides when he’s ready to tell her, not you. MAKAYLA: Okay. But you and Gregory have to do something for me first. MASON: Anything! Just promise you won't tell Jill about Gregory’s crush. MAKAYLA: Since Gregory’s on the football team, I want you two to hook me up with Andreas Duarte. MASON: Sure! I don't know who that is, but we’ll do it! I promise. MAKAYLA: Okay! Don't disappoint me, because I’ve liked Andreas since I was a freshman. And I've made it my high school goal to hook with him. If you fail, you'll be ruining my high school career. (LEAVES) MASON: (WALKS OVER TO GREGORY) Okay, so I accidentally told Makayla that you liked Nia. GREGORY: (PANICKED) What? MASON: But, she said she wouldn't tell anyone, as long as we do something for her in return. GREGORY: What it is? MASON: We have to set her up with some guy on the football team. She said his name Andreas Duarte. GREGORY: Wait, wait? Andreas? He’s the captain of the football, he's a senior, and he's the hottest guy in school! There's no way we can convince him to get with a sophomore! MASON: Well, she is a cheerleader and she’s in with the popular girls. And you should know him since you're both on the football team, right? GREGORY: Not really. The seniors don't really make friends with the freshmen. He especially doesn't know me. He thought I was the towel boy in the locker room once and threw his towel in my face while I was showering. MASON: We have no choice. (PUTS ARM ON SHOULDER) After school, I’ll come with you to football practice and we’ll try to get him to go with Makayla. GREGORY: Alright. And get your arm off me if you want less people to think we're a couple. MASON: Sorry I treat you like a close friend. (MOVES ARM) SCENE 3 INT. NIA’S HOUSE - DAY (Lexi, Nia, Harmony, Grant) NIA AND LEXI WALK IN THE LIVING ROOM, TO SEE NIA’S MOM, HARMONY, A BRAVE POLICE OFFICER, AND NIA’S FATHER, A BUSINESSMAN, WAITING FOR THEM. NIA: Hey mom! LEXI: Hey Harmony! Hey Grant! HARMONY: Nuh-uh. Don't you call me Harmony right now Lexi. Call me Mrs. Thompson. Or Officer Thompson, since I'm a policewoman. GRANT:And I'm Mr. Thompson. Don't call me Grant. LEXI: What do you mean, I've called you two Harmony and Grant for years now. You only get like this when you're mad. NIA: Yeah, what's up with you, mom? Dad? HARMONY: I just checked your grades and it says you now have an F in your Geometry class. LEXI: Wow, normally I'm the one who gets in trouble for bad grades. Is today opposite day? GRANT: I know right? HARMONY: (TO GRANT) I'm angry that I can't boast on Facebook to your sister-in-law Felicia about how I'm a better parent than her. Nia’s cousin Astrid set the bar low for academic achievement so usually it's been easy. GRANT: Listen, Nia, you have to get your grade up in Geometry or we are grounding you for a month. NIA: What? No! The Valentine's Day dance is less than a month away and really want to go this year! HARMONY: Nia, don't worry. Listen, I understand sometimes you can be having a bad day and you don't do so well on a test. If you retake the test and get a better grade, we’ll lift your grounding. NIA: You guys don't understand! Mr. Jacobs is an impossible teacher. Nobody else passed the test except for Lexi! HARMONY: Well, then Lexi can help you study. Wow, today really is opposite day, Grant. Lexi is tutoring Nia. Usually it's Nia tutoring Lexi. GRANT: I know, I'm starting to question my sanity. Go study, girls. I have to get back to work. LEXI: Oh, you're working from home now, Mr. T.? GRANT: Yep. It's much more comfortable to work in my bunny slippers, and I get to keep tabs on my daughter. LEXI:Right. Nia, let's go. THEY WALK TO NIA'S BEDROOM NIA: I miss being able to come home and have my parents still at work and I get a few minutes of peace and quiet. Now that my dad’s working from home those days are over. LEXI: Hey, listen. Don't worry, we can study more and I’ll help you ace that test. NIA: Lexi, I already understand the Pythagorean theorem. It's just that the test questions were extra difficult. You know what Mr. Jacobs said, “failing my students is the only thing that brings me joy.” LEXI: Listen, maybe there’s more to the story than we know. On the study guide’s accidental anxiety journal page he wrote about why he feels so miserable. NIA: I didn't know, I stopped reading after he explained in detail about how he had a dream of a penguin drowning him to death in Antarctica. LEXI: Well, read the paragraph under the line that reads "I felt the breath leave my body as the penguin was thrusting me into the cold ice.” NIA: (READING) If only Antonio Duarte hadn't stole my girlfriend when we were in high school. Maybe my life would be different. Maybe I would be happier. If only I could go back. LEXI: Do you see what this means? NIA: He’s been this way since he was our age? LEXI: Yeah. And he lost his girlfriend and never got over it. That's has to be heartbreaking for a young kid to go through. You should know, your breakup with Ethan was pretty rough on you. NIA: It didn't ruin my life though. LEXI: Yeah, because you had amazing friends to help you through it. What if he didn't have that back then? NIA: Well, how will we fix it? LEXI: What if we time traveled to when he was in high school and fix his life? Then maybe in the present, his test won’t be impossible. NIA: You know I don't like time travel. But, if it makes me get a better grade and saves my chance of becoming valedictorian, then, I’ll do it. LEXI: Yay! (DANCES) We’re going to the nineties! (STOPS) What? He was born in 1980, so I did some quick math to know he would be a teenager in the nineties. NIA: I wish I calculate as fast as you could. SCENE 4 INT. BOYS’ LOCKER ROOM - DAY (Gregory, Mason, Andreas) GREGORY IS WAITING BY THE BOYS’ LOCKER ROOM ENTRANCE IN HIS WORKOUT CLOTHES. MASON APPROACHED HIM. GREGORY: There you are, what took you so long? MASON: I had to chase off some “Grason” fan-girls. Because of Makayla posting that we’re a couple, people are shipping us now. They're even making T-Shirts with us on it. (UNZIPS JACKET, TO REVEAL THE PICTURE OF MASON AND GREGORY WITH A HEART AROUND IT, WITH THE WORD “GRASON” ON IT) GREGORY: And you own one now? MASON:Listen, I don't agree with the message, but I can’t say no to cotton-polyester blend fabric. It's my favorite of all the fabrics! GREGORY: You have a favorite fabric? Whatever, we just finished practice, so let's go in and find Andreas. MASON: I don't know. I've never felt comfortable going into the men’s locker room. I've had bad experiences. It's why I take online PE classes now. GREGORY: How would an online PE class even work? MASON: I have to write a lot of research essays on exercise and systems of the body GREGORY: (THEY APPROACH ANDREAS, WHO IS GETTING DRESSED) Hey, Andreas! How’s it hangin’? ANDREAS: Uh, I'm doing alright. Why are you talking with me, towel boy? GREGORY: I’m not a towel boy, I'm a part of the team! ANDREAS: Oh, I guess it's hard to keep track of everyone on the team. Hey wait, you're the boyfriends from Makayla’s Insta story! I had a feeling you were gay, Gregory. GREGORY: Actually, I’m not. ANDREAS: Bisexual? GREGORY: No. Makayla made a mistake, we’re not dating. (LOOKS AT MASON’S SHIRT) Ignore his shirt. Listen I was just talking with Makayla and I heard she totally wants to go out with you. ANDREAS: Ah, you and Makayla were having girl talk? Talking about all the boys you both think are cute? GREGORY: No, I just wanted her to… get to know you. She's going to be at Starducks tonight waiting for you if you want to go, so you better get going if you have any chance with her. ANDREAS: Okay. I guess she's a pretty girl. I'll give it a shot. GREGORY: Yes! Thank you. ANDREAS: Maybe we’ll enter a relationship as successful as Grason! I totally ship you guys too by the way. Where can I get one of those shirts? GREGORY AND MASON: (IN UNISON) We’re not a couple! SCENE 5 INT. WHS ENTRAMCE - DAY (Lexi, Nia, Mr. Jacobs, Antonio, Sherry) FEBRUARY 1996. NIA AND LEXI APPEAR IN THE HALLWAY, WHICH LOOKS DIFFERENT. PEOPLE ARE DRESSED IN 90s FASHION. NIA: Okay, Lexi, we’re back in the nineties now, which is decades before you and I were born, so the changes we make now will have a greater impact on the present day, so you have to be careful. LEXI: Yeah, yeah. I saw Back to the Future before, I think I know what I’m doing, Nia. Let's just look for Mr. Jacobs. Think of him, but younger and not with gray hair. NIA: (LOOKS AROUND) Oh, I think that's him! He’s walking with a girl? Wow. Thirty years can really make a difference. MR. JACOBS (1996): I can't wait to go to the dance with you Sherry! SHERRY: Um, yeah. About that, I actually have something to tell you. ANTONIO: (APPROACHES) Actually, we have something to tell you. LEXI: Wait a second, I recognize that guy and Sherry. ANTONIO: You see, I asked Sherry to go to the dance with me, and she said yes. MR. JACOBS: What? Sherry, I thought we were a thing! ANTONIO: Cody, listen up. You're a loser. Nobody likes you. You're a worthless disappointment. SHERRY: Yeah, and I was thinking about becoming more popular, and being with Antonio, the captain of the football team would totally up me in popularity! ANTONIO: Listen, mathlete, go do some quadratic equations or whatever. Sherry and I have to get ready for dance. SHERRY: Man, Tony. I love how assertive you are. ANTONIO: Well, crushing a dweeb’s dream is one of the few things that brings me joy. LEXI: That's Antonio Duarte and Sherry Duarte! They're Andreas Duarte’s parents! I used to babysit Andreas’s little sister and brother last year! NIA: Wow. Is popularity like, a generational thing? Because Andreas and Antonio were both the captain of the football team. LEXI: Well we can't get Mr. Jacobs and Sherry together now! We could prevent Sherry and Antonio from getting together and having Andreas! NIA: Yeah, we definitely should not be preventing births right now. That could have a huge effect on the timeline. LEXI: Yeah, and it would erase such a hot guy from the existence of Watersman High! We can't do that, Nia! I wanted to ask Andreas out! NIA: Okay, first off, Andreas is way out of your league. Second, how are we going to make Mr. Jacobs happy while simultaneously not getting him together with Sherry so Andreas is born? LEXI: I don't know. NIA: I have an idea. You should ask him and take him to the dance to cheer him up and boost his confidence. Then he won't be so depressed in the present. LEXI: But taking your teacher to the dance is embarrassing! It's like going with your cousin or your mom! NIA: It's 1996. He's not your teacher yet. He's a 16 year old boy. LEXI: I can't believe we're going through all this trouble because you just want a good grade. NIA: Okay, maybe it was about that in the beginning. But after seeing what Antonio and Sherry did to him, I actually really feel sorry for him. I know how hard it is to have your significant other break up with you for someone better. And I only got through it because I had such a strong friend group with me. But look at Mr. Jacobs. He's all alone. This could be the catalyst for his awful life in the present. LEXI: Okay, Nia. I’ll do it. But just for tonight I’ll raise his confidence by going with him to the dance. Then we have to return back and you can retake your test! NIA: Thank you. Now go and ask that nerd out! ANTONIO: (LEXI WALKS BY ANTONIO) Hey girl, you're even cuter than Sherry. LEXI: You're really flirting with me seconds after your girlfriend leaves? You’re pathetic! ANTONIO: Ooh, I love a girl who plays hard to get. Maybe I’ll get two dates to the dance. I'll see you there. (WALKS AWAY) NIA: Gross! What a creep! LEXI: I know. Even if he has Andreas’s face, he doesn't have Andreas’s charm. SCENE 6 INT. STARDUCKS - DAY (Mason, Gregory, Makayla, Andreas, Lizzie) PRESENT DAY. MAKAYLA AND ANDREAS ARE AT THEIR BOOTHS ON A DATE IN STARDUCKS. MASON AND GREGORY ARE IN A DIFFERENT TABLE HIDING AS THEY SPY ON THEM. MASON: Okay, we got to make sure their date goes well. That way Makayla won't tell Jill about your crush on Nia and she'll promise to delete the picture of us on her Instagram. GREGORY: I just hope Makayla does get aggressive at him like she normally does on her dates. ANDREAS: So, Makayla, I’m glad you invited me to Starducks, this is a nice date. MAKAYLA: Yeah, it is. So, do you want a sip of my iced tea? ANDREAS: Nah, I don't really like iced tea. MAKAYLA: (ANGRY) What? But iced tea is my favorite drink! GREGORY: Oh no, he just made her mad! MAKAYLA: But you know what, you're so cute I can look past that. MASON: Or not… LIZZIE: (AT THE FRONT COUNTER) I would like a medium cup of coffee. (GETS COFFEE, APPROACHES GREGORY AND MASON) Hey guys, what are you doing here? Are you on a date? I saw a photo of you two dating on Insta. Congrats! GREGORY: No, Makayla posted that picture after she learned about my crush on Nia and she's only deleting it if I set her up on a date with Andreas. LIZZIE: Andreas Duarte? The football captain guy in school? Ugh, gross! Well, why do you care what Makayla thinks. GREGORY: Please, if people think I'm dating a guy that would be so embarrassing! Especially if it was Mason, I could do so much better than him. MASON: Hey! LIZZIE: Wait, are you saying it would be embarrassing if people thought you were gay? GREGORY: I mean, it's not something I’d want most people to know. LIZZIE: What? But you guys know I'm gay! Are you saying I'm embarrassing? MASON: No! Gregory was just… LIZZIE: Save it! Now that I know what you really think of me I can keep my embarrassing self away from you! (WALKS AWAY) GREGORY: Oh, I feel bad now. I didn't mean to insult her. Mason, we have to find a way to apologize. MASON: Okay, but you better make sure Makayla and Andreas have a good date first. ANDREAS: (RUNNING OUT) Get away from me, you're crazy! MAKAYLA: (CHASING ANDREAS OUT THE DOOR) That's what you get, you iced tea hating jerk! GREGORY: Wait Makayla? What happened? MAKAYLA: He said he didn't like iced tea! I just couldn't get over it! It's the best of all of teas! GREGORY: You're still going to not tell Jill about any of this right? MASON: And you'll delete the posts about me and Gregory. MAKAYLA: Oh, I guess so. At least you showed me that Andreas isn't worth it. If he doesn't like iced, he's never worth it. I guess I’ll just become Jill’s best friend some other way. Maybe I’ll buy her an iced tea. GREGORY: What is with her obsession with iced tea? SCENE 7 INT. WHS HALLWAY - DAY (Nia, Lexi, Mr. Jacobs) 1996. LEXI APPROACHES MR. JACOBS IN THE WHS HALLWAY. LEXI: Hey! (MR. JACOBS STANDS THERE FROZEN) This is the part where you say hi back. MR. JACOBS: Hey… LEXI: I saw that guy stole your girlfriend to the dance. So not cool! Do you want to go with me? MR. JACOBS: That would be amazing! That’s really kind of you! LEXI: You’re welcome! My name’s Lexi. MR. JACOBS: I’m Cody Jacobs. LEXI: Nice to meet you, Mr. Jacobs. I mean, Cody. MR. JACOBS: No, I like that. “Mr. Jacobs.” I’m like a teacher. SCENE 8 INT. WHS HALLWAY - DAY (GREGORY, LIZZIE, MASON) 2027. GREGORY AND MASON ARE HOLDING A BOX, APPROACHING LIZZIE. LIZZIE: What are you two doing here. Are you here to tell that it’s not Adam and Steve, it’s Adam and Eve? MASON: No. We’re here to apologize. GREGORY: Yeah. We should have been so embarrassed if people thought we were gay because it’s not embarrassing to be gay. And Lizzie, you know we love you no matter what. LIZZIE: It’s just so hard to know who to trust. People still give me crap all the time for it. I guess I was quick to assume you guys were being hateful. MASON: Yeah, and to apologize, we got you rainbow cupcakes as an apology. LIZZIE: For real? I love cupcakes, and I love rainbows! (TAKES THE BOX) You guys are forgiven. (LIZZIE, MASON, AND GREGORY TAKE A CUPCAKE) Cheers to us! SCENE 9 INT. WHS HALLWAY - DAY (Nia, Lexi, Mr. Jacobs) 1996. LEXI APPROACHES MR. JACOBS IN THE WHS HALLWAY. THEY ARE WEARING FORMAL OUTFITS. LEXI: Hey! Ready for the dance? MR. JACOBS: I don’t know. I still feel awkward walking into that dance without Sherry. I just feel like I’m proving I’m a loser who lets Antonio push me around. My whole life I’ve felt like a loser because of how he treated me. LEXI: Don’t let him get to you, who cares what he thinks? You’re smart and you’ll make a great teacher. You just have to be true to yourself. MR. JACOBS: Well, if I go with you, then I won’t be being true to myself. Thanks for the offer, but I’d rather go alone. (DANCES) And I’m gonna kill it on the dance floor. (WALKS INTO THE DANCE FLOOR) NIA: (COMES FROM THE BACK DOOR) Lexi, you’ll never believe this. The library looks exactly the same except there are no computers. And the librarian is still here, she just doesn’t have gray hair. LEXI: That’s great, Nia. And I think Mr. Jacobs has confidence now. He said he wanted to go to dance alone so he could prove he didn’t need a girl to be happy. NIA: That’s great! Now can we go back because my cell has no service here in 1996 and I really miss scrolling through Instagram for memes. (THEY TRAVEL BACK) SCENE 10 INT. WHS HALLWAY - DAY (GREGORY, LIZZIE, MASON, NIA, LEXI) 2027. THE GANG IS SITTING AT THE LUNCH TABLE TOGETHER. LIZZIE: What have you guys been doing all day? We haven’t seen you. NIA: I was just retaking Mr. Jacobs’s test. You know how hard his tests are and how he’s miserable about his life. LIZZIE: What do you mean? He’s the most easy math teacher ever! MASON: Yeah, you guys were seriously lucky to get him. I hear he lets you guys use calculators on the test. LEXI: See that Nia, we can use time travel for good. GREGORY: What? Time travel? NIA: What Lexi means is, um… she’s planning to make the theme of the dance next month, um… the nineties! LEXI: (BITTERLY) Right. It’s not like I was going to do Winter Wonderland theme or anything. I’m totally doing the nineties. LIZZIE: Great! I already dress like nineties grunge everyday, so I won’t have to go shopping! END Category:Transcripts